Peaking

I'm not going to say "mission accomplished," but I've broken in to $15/$30 limit!

It was kind of silly how I got my bankroll there. I had a 35 bet down day, followed by a 20 bet up day. Then I made a withdrawal to one of my online accounts, and I noticed that my overall bankroll column didn't add up to what it was before the withdrawal. My total bankroll wasn't including my Neteller, Firepay and Moneybookers money!

So that was $1,500 in "found" money, even though it was sitting there in a different column on my bankroll spreadsheet all along. The money wasn't missing, but it wasn't added up correctly.

That was enough to put me over the 300 bets I needed before I wanted to give $15/$30 a try for the first time since my November failure.

I kind of feel like I don't deserve to be here. I mean, I know that I do by virtue of the fact that I earned all this money and I'm following my plans.

But I only won a very small amount at $10/$20 limit, and now I'm moving up. Plus, for the first time in a while, I don't feel comfortable at a limit I'm playing.

The amounts of money I'm betting gets to me a little bit, even after all the thousands I've wagered.

It's an odd sensation. If I had a big losing day at any lower limit, I felt mad about losing but driven to recover. At this level, I don't feel the dollar amount as much. I just feel a little dizzy and out of touch. It doesn't feel like real money.

This has to be some form of tilt.

I just need to keep reminding myself of that anecdote I heard a long time ago:

A fishy player at a $10/$20 table asks an old-timer what the difference is between that game and much higher limits.

"The color of the chips," says the old-timer.

The fishy player takes offense, thinking that the old-timer is poking fun at him. No shit, the chips are different colors, he thinks. That wasn't the question.

But the old-timer insists that's the main difference between the games. The fishy player didn't understand.

The moral of the story is that the games play the same way regardless of the limit. Of course the players are tougher at higher limits. But the concepts of what it takes to win remain the same.

Lee Jones says that the magic of poker in the Internet age is that we've speeded up time. Hands come faster; swings come and go in days, not months.

I'm adjusting quickly to the $15/$30 landscape. But maybe I shouldn't push it now that I can.